Friday, April 28, 2006

Temper tantrum

I want to know why I need to resort to extreme measures to get things done, or rather to get Eric to do things...

I gave him a list of 4 things to do last Saturday before I left, since he was going to be home, and he said he would do some things.

This was the list:
1. Clean Bathroom
2. Empty Dishwasher
3. Put away laundry
4. Put away stuff on top of dishwasher

One item got done. He emptied the dishwasher. His clothes, which I had folded and left on the bed were moved to the laundry basket.... and the other things were not done.

So I asked him on Monday - did you clean the Bathroom? Same thing on Tuesday. Thought about cleaning it myself, but that was going against the principle - he said he was going to do it, and darned if I was going to to it for him - just because you don't especially like the task does not mean that you don't have to do it. Wednesday, he was home all night. Bathroom did not get cleaned. So yesterday, when I asked him if he had cleaned the bathroom, he got this look on his face, and said "I don't like the way this conversation is going" and made like he was going to leave. So I asked him why he felt the need to leave when things got uncomfortable, or the conversation was about things that he didn't like. I told him that I really hate it when I start to nag him, and to become a total bitch about things, but if you say you are going to do something, you need to do it. And the reason I asked him to clean the bathroom on Saturday, was that it needed cleaning on Saturday, not two weeks later. I don't understand why he does not get this concept.

So I guess I guilted him into coming home to clean the bathroom before going out for a drink with his friend for his friend's birthday. Good thing too, because I had decided to be pissy, and I had just sat down with a book and a box of Girl Scout cookies when I saw him pull up outside. He told me he does not like upsetting me. Wel DUH, do what you say you are going to do in a timely manner, and this will not happen!

So now that is on the list of how to get things done:
1. Tears
2. Temper tantrum

And I hate both of them.

And it's amazing, because he had talked to his daughter on Wednesday, who told him that she was glad that her roommate had moved out, because she did nothing around the house... my stepdaughter had to do all the cleaning. So what did he do? He decided he should do some laundry. Which consisted of putting clothes in the washing machine. Nothing else.


On another note, I was completely wiped out yesterday. I don't know what it was... I fell asleep in the bedroom somewhere between 8:15 and 8:30, watching TV, until about 9 when my parents called. And I was still wiped out this morning when I was thinking about getting out of bed to go for a run. Therefore, there was no running this morning. I will look at going out after work tonight, before the Alumni reception, then the birthday party for Eric's friend.

Yep. No rest for the wicked.

The big question is: Will I go to my meeting tomorrow? I am tempted to not go, since I know Corky will not be there. Plus the fact that at this point, I am just tempted to keep myself in this holding pattern, at this weight. I have clothes that fit, that make me look good, I am eating relatively healthy (discounting the girl scout cookies, of course) and I am exercising on a regular basis...

And another random thought - I was reading an article about running nutrition, and it says that a lot of people training for long races don't consume enough calories. Even if you are trying to lose weight, you need to eat more to compensate for the long days of exercise. I should really go back to counting points, so I can get a better estimation of what I should eat accounting for all of the AP's, but can't really face it right now. I just don't want to.

I'm good enough, and smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.

It really is a rainy Friday.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

It's not a big deal

I ran 5 miles this morning. Felt pretty good. I was a little sore as I started out, but then I settled into my pace. Although I think it was a little faster than normal, as my watch told me that I did it in about 51 minutes. Kind of crazy to think that 5 miles is not a big deal at this point.

As I was running the last block towards home, I saw Eric leaving the house, and getting into the car, so I was able to flag him down in the street to kiss him "good morning," since I left the house before he was out of bed. He told me I was really sweaty, but kissed me anyway. He definately is a good man!

I skipped working out yesterday. With the crazy tight calf muscle the night before, I was still a little sore in the morning, and in the evening, I went to the first of six study sessions for taking my certification exam. Guess I need to get to studying.

Food yesterday was pretty good. I ate before the study session - and avoided all of the snacks that they had set out for break. I just took notes like a mad woman, and drank my water. And the scale this morning said nice things to me. It told me I was under 180. Woo hoo! The best part is that I am not using this as an excuse today to eat more. I know I say it's not about the number on the scale, but how I look/feel, but I still get on the scale almost every morning. Although I did look at myself nekkid in the mirror before my run, and things seem to be looking better there too!

And, if I'm lighter, it stands to reason that I will run faster, right?


Wednesday, April 26, 2006

And the winner is...

well, obviously not me. No way, no how was there a way that I would have crossed the finish line first, unless perhaps aliens took over my body. And even then, in that circumstance, would they have chosen me.

On the other hand, I finished in under 9 minutes. A one-mile race. Me.

It was a beautiful night for the event. Not too hot, not too cold. Although I did have to dodge around several small children that were in the race. Good for them, good for the parents who are getting their kids into running, but you really need to teach them race ettiqute too - not that they were bad. It's also a little humbling to know that someone half your size can run as fast as you.

And my husband was there at the finish line, cheering me on. Unlike the last race, when he got there about a minute too late to see me finish. I still like him anyway. :)

This is actually the shortest race I have done, if you don't count the events I ran when I was in 9th grade track (and yes, the slowest person on the team). There is definately a different type of warm-up needed for this sort of race, as I found out when my left calf muscle decided to cramp/bunch up after the race. I have been having some issues with it, after the running I have been doing, but pushing it last night without having a longer race to allow it to work out its kinks really did a number on me. I kept having to stretch, and ended up going home to soak my legs in a hot bathtub, then went to bed with heat on it. Feels much better this morning.

We walked into the tent where everyone was registering for the Marathon. Walked back out again. Told Eric "perhaps next year". So now I have told him too. Scary.

Scale told me the same thing again this morning. I need to figure out if I will have transportation to go WI on Saturday, but if I do, I again won't be expecting much of a loss, if any. I just have to content myself with my clothes fitting better. (and to stop obsessing with the number!)


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Obviously, I eat too fast

It's either that, or I am not paying enough attention.

So halfway through my Lean Gourmet cheese lasagna, I notice that the tip of the plastic fork prong was missing.

It was there when I started eating. I didn't notice anything odd in the mouthfuls of food I was eating. Yet, it is still gone.

At least it doesn't have any calories. Hopefully it won't hurt me later.

Race tonight!

I signed up to run a 1-mile race tonight. It's the kickoff of the Twin Cities marathon. Everyone who registers tonight is guaranteed entry into the marathon. I have been considering putting in an application. And then I wonder where the hole in my head came from... I actually think I could do it, if I made the committment to do the training, with no excuses. But I think at this point, I (as I tell people when they ask me if I am planning on running a marathon) don't really want to spend the time training for a marathon.

That being said, perhaps next year. And oh, my goodness, I actually put that in writing. But seriously, how cool would that be, to say that you have run a marathon?

And I am feeling it again - I need to tell people my accomplishments, so they will look at me as something other than an overweight woman. I am a runner. A larger runner, but a runner nonetheless.

I overdid the drinking and eating this weekend. Went to WI on Saturday. I was up 0.8. And really the Chinese food I had the night before had nothing to do with that, right??? I even ran 5 miles before the meeting, AND dried my hair after I showered. I was still up. Why am I obsessed with the number on the scale? My clothes are getting looser... but I still have 20+ to lose before I can go for free again.

After that, it was off to Mankato, for a Jaycee bar hop. I was figuring I would not drink at every bar, but you know what happens with the best of intentions... it was, however, a lot of fun, and a lot of cute guys stopped to talk and flirt. Always makes me feel good! And, I refrained from calling my husband at 11:30 pm (he had to work at 5am) and settled for sending him a text message.

Sunday was such a beautiful day, that a friend and I went for a walk around Lake of the Isles. We figured it would not be as crowded as Calhoun. No running for her, she is just getting back into the walking stage after her surgery. She had a gastric bypass a couple of years ago, and then went in for some cosmetic surgery to get rid of all of the loose skin. I know it is nothing I would do myself, the bypass, but she is probably the best success I have seen with the surgery. She did it as something that would force her into a healthier lifestyle, not as an easy way out. I have another couple of friends who have had the surgery, and have not been as successful, because they keep "cheating" on their diets, and have not incorporated exercise into their lives. The friend I went walking with (3 miles, two weeks after her surgery) is hoping to run some 5K's with me again this summer.

And I know, initally, I wanted to lose weight so I could exercise more/feel better. Appearance was actually secondary. Perhaps I should think about that more. I am sitting here pondering that concept at this moment. It's actually kind of a revelation for me, sitting here, wishing I looked better. I just need to feel better. End of story. Wow.

On that note, I need to figure out what sampling equipment I have here, and what needs to be sent in to be calibrated (pretty much all of it).

Make it great! And if you are in Downtown Minneapolis tonight, think about cheering on the runners (including me!) as we go from Loring Park, down Nicollet to Peavy Plaza.


Thursday, April 20, 2006

He's only mostly dead...

So I got home yesterday to find my husband asleep on the bed next to some clean laundry. I had laid some shirts out in the morning, but did not have time to fold them before going to work. Looked at the pile of clean shirts, and discovered the mother of all hairballs on the top of the pile. Totally gross and disgusting, and really not sure why Eric did not see it... The good news is that the pile of shirts completely protected the down comforter.

As a result, yesterday afternoon, I gave both of the cats baths. Both of them were not even slightly amused. Gonzo was worse, Alex has had to put up with it more than Gonzo, since she's the older cat, I have a tendancy to bathe them once a year, in the springtime, to get rid of lots of loose hair. So really, I was late to book club because I had to give my cat a bath!

It's actually been a pretty okay week. I survived Easter Sunday Brunch with Eric's family without rolling out of the buffet. Helped that I ran 7 miles that morning, so I had plenty of AP's to play with (ran for an hour and 13 minutes). Lisa gave back the key, so I don't need to worry about her coming by the house when we are not home.

It's also been a fun week of juggling the use of the car. My stepson is borrowing our second vehicle because his completely died the other day. So, Eric and I have been taking turns using the vehicle. Monday I used it for my board meeting. Tuesday, he dropped me off, and went to his meetings, while I got a ride home from a friend. Yesterday, I took the car to book club. Not sure what will be happening tonight, I have a Jaycee General Membership meeting, and I don't know what Eric has going. I do have a work truck, but with all the decals on it, it looks bad sitting in the parking lot of a bar... plus we are not supposed to use them for personal use.

Hopefully Curt will get his motorcycle running, or another vehicle, so we can have ours back soon! It's getting a little old.

And the running.... well like I said, I did 7 miles on Sunday (schedule said 9, but I was not quite feeling up to that. Monday, I skipped. Tuesday, I came home and did a hill workout. Ran up and down the same hill 8 times. The lady who was doing work in her yard was giving me some pretty strange looks, hopefully she figured out that I was not casing the neighborhood! Wednesday, I also skipped, but I really needed to bathe the cats (yep!). So this morning, I decided that I was going to go according to the schedule, and ran 8 miles. And yes, you read that right, 8 stinkin' miles. It's the furthest I have run since last June when I did the half marathon. And I ran the whole thing. Well, I suppose I did stop for a couple of seconds while I waited for the light to change so I could cross the street without getting run over.

Yay for me. Now I just need to keep it up. If I do, 13.1 miles should not be a problem!

And again, the scale is really not moving much in either direction (both yay and boo...) but my pants are definately getting looser, and the belt I am wearing today is one notch tighter than what it has been.

I actually had someone at my WW meeting on Saturday tell me that I was melting away. Not hardly, but thanks anyway!

That's about it. I'm still running, and having some success!


Wednesday, April 12, 2006

SIL update

My Sister-in-law called me last night, and we actually had a good talk.

She is planning on going into treatment, she realizes that she needs to get her stuff together. She was sober for over two years, and was going to school to get a degree in Art, and she can't actually pinpoint what happened to make her start using again.

She is okay with us not trusting us to be in the house by herself anymore. She will be returning the key, and she has lost the job of cleaning our house. I told her that I hold people accountable for their actions, and that is what will happen because of what she did. She actually gave me a compliment, saying that she knows that I am not an enabler, and that is what she needs right now.

I also talked to her about identifying with some of her feelings of lonliness and inadequacy. She did not quite believe me, saying that I am one of the most confident people that she knows. Yes, I agree that I have a level of self-confidence, but some of it is a complete act, or that's how I feel.

Anyway, I told her that I don't hate her, but we definately don't trust her. She needs help, and she does know that, so hopefully that is a step in the right direction.

And I will keep on cleaning my own house now.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

5 K

Well, maybe I am doing something right.

I signed up for a 5K race for this Sunday. That's what the training schedule said that I was supposed to do, so I did it. This week pretty much sucked for training, but I decided that I would be doing the race, because I needed to do it.

I almost cried at the end. I ran it in less than 30 minutes. 29:21 to be exact, and that is a Personal Record for myself. I wanted to run it in less than 30 minutes. My goal was to run it in less than 30 minutes. When I passed mile 3, and realized that I was at 27+ minutes, I was very excited.

And the great thing, is now I am even more motivated. WOOO HOOOO! I know I am traveling this week, but I will make the time to go running. Mostly 3, 4, and 5 mile runs this week. I can do that! Plus, we made a trip to the grocery store, so I am stocked up on FF soy milk, fresh veggies, fresh fruit, quick oatmeal, and salad. I can do my core thing much easier now!

I also need to brag about the bargain that I found on Saturday. I was thinking that I really needed a new pair of running shoes, so Eric and I went to Dick's. I looked at what kind of shoes I had (and absolutely adore) and went into the store to get another pair. The salesperson asked what I needed, and I told him "running shoes" so he starts pointing me in the direction of some shoes, and I tell him "I want a pair of ASICS Gel Cumulus shoes." 9 1/2. So he goes in back to get me a pair, saying that they don't have any on the display. They fit perfectly. I decide I want to get some new running socks too, so I find 3 pair for $9.99. I then go to check out. I am not sure what the shoes are going to cost, but I am willing to pay whatever, because I love these shoes. The guy rings me up, and tells me the total is under $20. I ask if that is correct. Yep, $19.96. The shoes were $9.97. So I went back and got another pair. I couldn't pass them up! And the great thing is that there is no break-in needed on these shoes. I ran my race in them today.

Otherwise, it has been a busy weekend. Curt moved the majority of his stuff out on Thursday, so I pulled up the carpet in the bedroom on Saturday, since there is hardwood that was under the carpet, and the carpet was pretty nasty. Worked my buns off pulling up the carpet and pad, pulling staples out of the floor, and puling up the nail strips around the perimiter. It really is a beautiful floor, all I needed to do was give it a good mopping. Eric is now working on putting in quarter round around the baseboards (they removed them when they installed the carpet) in that bedroom, then we will move the furniture out of the third bedroom and do the same thing - put in the quarter round.

I am looking forward to getting the computer upstairs, away from the TV, and to get my sewing machine upstairs also. Perhaps I will even get to hemming the draperies I made that are in the bathroom!

Anyway, laundry is calling agin, both the drier and the washer have dinged/buzzed.


Friday, April 07, 2006

Derailments and Daylight Savings

It's been quite a week.

I feel like a bit of a failure, actually.

It started out pretty well - Ran 6 miles on Saturday, was pretty successful in my eating out and party food on Saturday evening, went home at a "decent" hour to get some sleep, so I could get in a good run on Sunday.

Then Sunday came. I should know better. I need to get my ass in gear and run before I do anything else. I did something else. Stayed in bed with Eric, reading the newspaper. Got hungry. Made breakfast for the both of us (Core all the way for me). Cleaned the bathroom, actually got out an old toothbrush to clean around the sink faucet. Washed the bathroom rugs. The bathroom looked beautiful. Moved on to the kitchen. The kitchen looked beautiful. Started on some paperwork, and time went completely awry. After that was dinner making. And then it was just too late to go running, because I had to pack, and there way Sunday TV that needed to be watched...

Monday, I did drag my buns out of bed and went for a run in the morning before going to work. Got into work, expecting to spend some time in the office, then I was going to travel to my destination for the evening (the Dells) so I would have time to prep for the training I was going to do on Tuesday. And then, I was told I needed to go to a derialment in North Dakota. Derailments are not a time when you can eat healthy. You eat what they bring. And of course for all of the MALE workers, they have things like chips, and hamburgers. And you are in a field in the middle of ND, almost wanting to eat your arm off, and you have no food, other than the stuff they are providing. Then I was at the site until about 11:30pm, then had to drive to the hotel (35+ minutes away) to get 4-5 hours of sleep, so I could be back to the site.

Derailments and daylight savings really contribute to some good sleep deprivation. So Tuesday I did not run. Wednesday, I did not run. I was too tired to get out of bed in the morning, and had meetings with my boss and others, then errands to run in the evening, ended up getting home at 9:30pm.

Thursday, much of the same, early meetings that lasted until 4:30, the same time I was supposed to be meeting with my financial planner along with my husband. Got to that meeting, was there until 6:30, then home to eat and deal with some Jaycee paperwork.

And, I did not get out of bed early this morning, either. I am becoming a slug. So far this week, if you count Saturday, I have run 11 miles. My milage for the week should be around 35.

Big sigh.

I just need to quit making excuses. A body at motion, tends to stay in motion. A body at rest, tends to stay at rest. We talked about that at WW on Saturday. I LIKE the runner's high. And, I know I need to get up in the morning and run. That's all there is to it. Next week is a new week. I will do better. I have to.