Monday, June 30, 2008

Whistle stop

I swam laps for 1/2 an hour yesterday, which was good.

then I drank 4 calorie-laden beverages... yes. Beer. Then I fell asleep on a floatie in the pool, and sunburned the front of my thighs. Good times.

Today - I started again. I have a little notebook that I carry around with me, all set to track points, and hold myself accountable. I usually make it a day or two before I start slacking again. Baby steps. I started counting points again today, and wrote some of my thoughts down too:

"I'm done. Being fat, that is. My pants don't fit. I feel suggish, and like a turtle that can't move. My back is stiff when I sit for any period of time. And I hate feeling fat, bloated and self-conscious, like people ar looking at me and judging me."

How do I really feel. I'll take pity party for one, please.

I weighed this much when I got married.

I gained .6 pounds at the weigh in yesterday. And the first weigh in was right after I got back from vacation in Mexico. And I knew I was going to gain, but the reality slap in the face about made me cry.

My running coach e-mailed the group photo from this weekend, and my face is the roundest one there.

How did I find my way back here? I said I wouln't go back. Yet, again, here I am. Feeling sorry for myself, and hating how I feel.

So, I signed up to run a half marathon in the fall. The Whistle Stop, which is the second weekend in October in Ashland, WI.

And so it begins. Again.


Sunday, June 29, 2008


It was a crazy, mixed up, filled up day yesterday.

The plan was to get out my bicycle, and ride down to Harriet Island in St. Paul to cheer on people from my running group that were doing the Time to Fly 5K and 10K.

Downstairs to get my bicycle tires all aired up and ready to go... and the rear tire would not hold any air. Crap. Gotta change the tube. I knew I had a tube somewhere... found it in the garage. Now what? I have never changed a tire tube before. I seemed to recall watching a friend of mine do it with some funky tool... so I grab something from the coffee table downstairs that looked similar to what I remembered his tool looking like. What did I grab? That would be a crochet hook. I did it. I changed it all by myself. I didn't let the obstacle in my path keep me from my plans.

I got to Harriet Island in fine time - most of the 7 miles are downhill, after all. And had a fine line of sight to see the Excel Energy smokestack be imploded and taken down. It was cool. But also a little unsettling, as this last week I had been in classes for emergency response, and a lot of the stuff we talked about was things that have happened - like the OK city bombing, and 9/11, and watching the stack fall was kind of cool and creepy at the same time.

But, all of my friends had a great time running the race. I suppose I could have run, but I have decided I will be saving up for a half marathon in the fall, instead of paying for races throughout the summer. Heaven knows I don't need more T-shirts. And interesingly enough, as we were cheering for the women in our group, Lucas runs by... the same lady I saw in the airport in Tulsa... So I went over and congratulated her. She did really awesome too.

After that, it was back on the bicycle for the ride home. Just as I was coming up to the Wabasha bridge, I was just a little too indecisive about being on the road, or getting on the sidewalk, so I managed to hit the curb with the side of my front tire, and fall over onto the sidewalk. Pretty much in front of the cop who was manning a baracade for the race. Damn toe clips. Yeah, I was fine after I got myself untangled a bit, but my hip and wrist are a little sore this morning. I've had worse. It's still embarassing though.

Today, I am on my way to my friend's pool, hopefully to swim some laps. On the way there, I will be stopping in for the final weigh-in for this contest I entered. yeah, to see who can be the biggest loser. I can tell you right now, it won't be me. I'll probably be the biggest gainer, since I think I am up 5 pounds from where we started 4 months ago. I need to get my ass in gear, and start walking the talk. I have been so half-assed and ambivalent about my diet/exercise, and my pants don't fit. I was feeling like a "fat american" in Calgary all this week, and I hate it. Yet, I don't seem to be doing much about it. What gives?

I'm thinking about going back to a WW meeting, as that is what has worked before. Who knows what the future will bring.

on that note, I'm off to ofically become the big gainer (loser) of this contest.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Why I like to run in the morning

1. It starts the day out, and gives me much energy
2. When I run in the afternoon I start out too quickly, and tank
3. It's much cooler in the morning
4. I'm not always awake, so I don't always notice the first mile, which is the hardest part

Why I didn't run this morning:
1. I woke up at 4am worried about my cat, got up and read some, then crawled back into bed at 4:30 after turning off the 5am alarm.
2. I could have gone at 4:30... but honestly I was scared to go out in the dark after what happened this weekend.

What happened this weekend? Well, it was a doozy.

I was at my friend's house, and I stayed there because I had enough to drink that I didn't want to drive. (not as much as another person there... but that's another story). I called my husband the next day (Sunday) and he told me that I had missed the fireworks at home.

"Fireworks? Really?" thinking that some kids had been shooting off bottle rockets in the wee hours.

But no. Gunfire. Right outside the house.

Like Eric called the Police in the morning after it started getting light because he thought they might like to pick up the shell casings that were in the street in front of our garage. They missed one or two, so Eric brought one in yesterday afternoon. It's from a .45. I'm just a tad freaked out.

So I went running this afternoon, and it kind of sucked. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I haven't run since Saturday the 31st. Or that I gave blood last week. Or that I now weigh about 20 pounds more than I did last year at this time...


I just need to suck it up, and do what I need to do.