Whistle stop

I swam laps for 1/2 an hour yesterday, which was good.

then I drank 4 calorie-laden beverages... yes. Beer. Then I fell asleep on a floatie in the pool, and sunburned the front of my thighs. Good times.

Today - I started again. I have a little notebook that I carry around with me, all set to track points, and hold myself accountable. I usually make it a day or two before I start slacking again. Baby steps. I started counting points again today, and wrote some of my thoughts down too:

"I'm done. Being fat, that is. My pants don't fit. I feel suggish, and like a turtle that can't move. My back is stiff when I sit for any period of time. And I hate feeling fat, bloated and self-conscious, like people ar looking at me and judging me."

How do I really feel. I'll take pity party for one, please.

I weighed this much when I got married.

I gained .6 pounds at the weigh in yesterday. And the first weigh in was right after I got back from vacation in Mexico. And I knew I was going to gain, but the reality slap in the face about made me cry.

My running coach e-mailed the group photo from this weekend, and my face is the roundest one there.

How did I find my way back here? I said I wouln't go back. Yet, again, here I am. Feeling sorry for myself, and hating how I feel.

So, I signed up to run a half marathon in the fall. The Whistle Stop, which is the second weekend in October in Ashland, WI.

And so it begins. Again.

~a