A case of the Blah Blah Blah's

Well, I went to weigh in yesterday. I maintained. Was glad that I had not gained, but this puts me further behind on where I want to be in four weeks. I have nobody to blame but myself.

I went to the Y to run yesterday morning before WI. Did 4 miles on the treadmill. I actually wore my heart rate monitor, and tried to do the cardio workout on the machine. The thing is, the heart rate that it says I should be at for my age group does not seem to challenge me enough. The machine kept slowing down to get my heart rate in the "target" range, and I kept on bumping it up, because I did not feel like I was working hard enough. I guess I need to do some more research about the target heart ranges to see if they are just guidelines, or if that is something I need to be more concerned about....

Yesterday after I got home, I spent about 2 hours straghtening and cleaning the basement laundry room/workshop area. I finally set up the automatic litter box that I had been bugging Eric to get set up since we got it as a Christmas present, cleaned the other boxes, straightened up some lumber of Eric's, swept up all of the errant litter that was around, swept up the sawdust that Eric said that he was going to take care of before he went to Chicago (obviously we know how that went). I then called Eric, and told him that I figured out the reason I did not do laundry as often as I probably should - I hate dealing with all of the crap in the basement! Why does he make me so crazy? Why do I let it bother me so much? Is is really worth it to him to have me rant at him like a raving bitch?

Last evening my friend Matt picked me up, and we went to a bar where a friend of ours was celebrating her birthday. Lots of smoke and Karoke. I probably drank too much beer, but they were small, and you just can't beat $1.50 taps! Got home around 1:30, and took all of my clothes off in the hallway and put them down the laundry chute. I think if Eric had been home, I would have taken a shower to get the stench out of my hair. Yuk.

So this morning, I was just hurting. Not so much an aftermath from alcohol, but from the 2 days of intense workouts, and cramps, and this cold that seems to be residing in the middle of my chest that makes me almost hack up a lung in the morning. I was thinking seriously about calling Corky to cancel our run, but decided I was going to bite the bullet. She also was thinking aobut cancelling, but was also there. We ended up running and walking about 3 miles. About half and half I believe. Next time there will be more running.

So I was having some thoughts about myslef. I am wondering why I keep trying to justify myself. Let me try and explain.... I feel like I need to tell people about athletic accomplishments that I have made, just to have them look at me other than (what I consider) an overweight woman. I did that with the spinning instructor the other day. I had to tell her I ran a half marathon last year, to try and make me feel better about looking like a huge beast. I was the largest woman in the class. Could I do a half marathon right now? No, but you know, I have done it before... I guess the moral of the story is that I need to get myself down to a place where I feel comfortable with my body again. And I'm telling you, a size 14 is not where I feel comfortable.

Anyway, back to financial management - aka balancing the checkbooks and paying the bills. Thanks for listening.

~a