so many things

running through my head.

and I don't know how I want to organize them all...

Hmmm, let's see - weightloss. Nada. I guess that is what happens when you just quit trying, and decide that you just need to eat whatever whenever. I keep cruizing through the kitchen, opening the door of the fridge, and seeing what I can eat. Do I take the apple or the mandarin oranges? No. I take the white cheddar cranberry cheese and a handful of TJ's everything crackers. A bit later - some Ice cream. And a bit later, some cookies...

I started writing things down on Monday at work, but I forgot my little notebook on my desk. I had a fabulous day on Monday anyway. But since I was out of the office on Tuesday, without my accountability notebook... I decided to get the Rachel sandwich with fries for lunch.

Feast or famine. That seems to be my thing. Not sure how to get over it.

Exercise. Well, now that you asked, I did get up this morning, and did a easy 30 minutes on the NordicTrack, without the arms. And a little ab work. So when was the last time I did actual exercise? Well that would be a week and a half ago. My back has been hurting me, and I have been icing and seeing the chiropractor, but geez, I really need to get off my arse. I guess the CRAPTASTIC weather (Snow? Seriously, on April 26th???) has been getting me down too.

But, on a positive note, I have been trying to do my part in saving the environment. The last two times I have gone to the grocery store, I have brought my canvas reusable bags, and some of the plastic bags we already have, and have not gotten any new bags at all. And I went shopping at Dick's Sporting goods, and brought my own bag for my purchases. The clerk thought I was a bit odd, but I felt good about it.

There is also a Green Expo this weekend, that I am hoping that I can convince my husband to take me to - I would like to go to a couple of seminars, on vegetable gardeining, and home freezing and canning. And I want to wander through the exibits.

Oooh, I got a couple of new incentive toys... a foot pod and a cadence/distance (bicycle) for my Garmin 305... I got them off of Amazon with some gift certificates I earned, and ended up paying just $17 for both, including the shipping! I need to get them all set up so I can start logging my indoor workouts on the computer. I think I need to start working on keeping my heart rate in a better zone. I tend to exercise too hard, and that is probably something that is holding me back... well, from losing weight that is.

And, at a meeting today, there was some discussion on doing a Weight Watchers at Work program. Not sure how I feel about that.

I'm also considering joinin a gym again. I kind of liked going in this winter when I had the free trial to do weigtlifting, and if I join a certan local chain, I could potentially meet up with some of my friends to exercise. We'll see - the whole reason I quit last time was that I didn't go in the summertime. Too many other options out there, and it's a bit of a hassle to go early, when I could just as easily do cardio at home in the morning when I like working out.

I have also been sending out my resume for jobs in the metro area. I want to do somehing different, that doesn't have all of the travel. I have not gone anywhere overnight for the past two weeks, and it is so nice to be able to go home, relax, cook some dinner, and be in my house with my husband. We actually sat down and ate dinner together on Monday.

I told you things were rambling around in my brain...

Cat - she seems like she is doing okay, but after many unsuccessful attempts of jumping onto the bed in the bedroom, she has stopped doing it. Which means she has not been cuddling with me at night or in the morning. I can't decide if I should take her back to the vet for him to tell me to give her more drugs that she will hate me for... maybe if we put up the cheater step again she will deign to use it again.

Alcohol - haven't had a drink since Easter when I thought it would be a good idea to drink the equivalent of about two bottles of wine. I'm holding out for June, at the earliest... but I have been thinking about having a nice glass of wine quite a bit lately. I kind of feel like I should apologize to my SIL for the Easter debacle (she's a recovering alcoholic, and I was drinking my face off in front of her) or to just let it lie. I also have a friend who recently admitted herself to an in-patient treatment program for alcohol addiction, so I have been thinking about her a lot lately too, with my self imposed "dry-out" period.

I suppose that's enough for now. Eric is home now, and I am going to put together some dinner. Beef Stroganoff in the crock pot that has been simmering all day. MMMMMMM.

~a

Reflections

I think I need to institute a no eating rule in my car.

I drive. And I eat.

I have been reading some things, and I think that the reason I do it is because I hate driving so much. Okay, I'll clarify. I hate all of the driving I do for work. It really hit home today, with hitting the crappy weather here in Minnesota on the way home. And I think I am eating because I want to make myself feel different. So I snack on things while I drive to distract myself from the driving.

And I seem to be in a really good mood on most Fridays, knowing I don't have to go anywhere for a couple of days.

I really hate when people ask me if I like traveling for work, thinking it is glamorous, and that you get to go to all of these interesting places. You might get to go to interesting places, but you rarely get to do anything other than go to meetings, try to find somewhere to get something decent to eat, and spend way too much time on a computer trying to get caught up after being out of touch for most of the day.

How do I really feel?

I like what I do, but I hate the driving. Something has to give.

~a

Hi, My name is Anneke

And I seem to have no self control.

So, packing up to go to Green Bay for the weekend, I felt a twinge in my back. The 5 hours in the car did not help any. When we would stop (dinner, fuel, bathroom...) Eric and I would get out of the car and hobble around for a bit until we started walking like normal Homo Sapiens.

Yeah. Shooting pain in my back did not make me happy. Did not allow me to exercise like I had planned. (They had an endless pool at the hotel I REALLY wanted to try.) Didn't find a nice park/green area in Green Bay in which to go for a run. Ate way too much food, and watched too much TV.

I think I have a pinched nerve. The back of my left heel is numb. And on and off, a couple of toes on my left foot.

And I don't seem to be able to regulate my food intake. I seem to NEED to munch on something while driving. Not sure why.

What does this add up to? Okay... Weight gain.

Life sucks sometimes.

And even though my back is not hurting, the heel is still numb, and I'm scared to exercise.

Did I mention that life sucks sometimes?

Oh yeah, and I'm in Fargo. The hits just keep on coming.

~a